At war. With the right sort of Muslims.

Well, will you look at that. Amanda Vanstone has written an article for The Age. The title is Fanatics, not Muslims, are our enemy. How interesting, you say to yourself, knowing that Our Amanda is an Atheist. And she served on the front bench with no few religious fanatics.

Ayn's seen better days.

Ayn’s seen better days.

She’s a lawful evil half orc. Happy to use the system to her own benefit. I’ve got mine, Jack, so fuck you. Her blow up doll is probably named Ayn Rand.

So you, our intrepid Australian citizen, see this headline and wonder, is she showing her true colours? What colours might those be? Whose colours might those be? Who paid for them?

Then you open the link and read the first paragraph of the article: I shit you not…

If you can attend an Anzac Day ceremony and hear the Turkish ambassador read the famous words of Turkish president Ataturk without an enormous lump in your throat, my bet is you are a very rare Australian.

That lump in your throat is very likely bile. Spit it out. We’ll wait.

The article quotes some of that speech. It is, indeed, quite moving. And the purpose of it is entirely at odds with what Vanstone opines. But she’s rather special. Amandatory Vanstone did hard years under John Winston Howard, who recently admitted that the WMD claims that lead us into an illegal invasion and war against Saddam Hussein were actually fabricated. And my, wasn’t he embarrassed. Poor thing. Never mind whether he was incompetent or complicit. He’s just so embarrassed. All those hundreds thousands of people dead, maimed and traumatised by a mistake. Oops. And an ongoing cluster fuck that just happens to provide an excuse for Tory politicians a decade later to divert attention from poor polling and the fact that their Party Director was named by ICAC for having his hand in the till.

Our illustrious former Immigration Minister goes on. And on. For a few paragraphs, about how those Muslims fight so well in the wars. Almost like the Japanese, in fact. But just when you might have been thinking that she’d cross her handlers, sadly, she does not indicate the Mad Monk to be an extremist. The extremists are surely Muslims.

but they’re not our sort of Muslim.

Far be it from our proud Aussie Randian to consider that the 1st and 2nd world wars may have been about power and money. No, they were about the wrong sort of religious extremists. Specifically, not the sort currently inhabiting the Front Bench of the Australian Government.

In fact, the right sort of Muslims are so right and good and necessary that your entire existence is dependent upon them.

If your great or great-great grandfather returned from Gallipoli, he may well have had his life saved directly or indirectly by one of the Indian Muslims. Your own life may not have come about but for them.

I shit you not, she fair dinkum wrote that. And it was published. But I can’t get published. Why, oh why!


It gets better.

For a given value of better.

Which is actually to say, it gets worse.

It gets much worse.

Having established that you might not even exist without the right sort of Muslim, as you sit there in your Ugg boots and trackies with the fart holes in them, watching the footy on the plasma flat screen from Harvey Norman that you got on special on 36 months interest free. All you Anikins and Tylers and Paris’s and Mercedes’s.  Having established that a tame Muslim is a good Muslim, we’ll go on appeal to authority.

Paul Keating is rightly scathing of the indifference and ineptitude shown by British leaders that brought about the loss of so many lives at Gallipoli.

Not the authority you might expect a former Minister of the Howard Government to appeal to. But this is a bi partisan appeal. If even Paul Communist reptilian secret Feminazi agent Keating signs off on this, well, it must be right. Right? Keating is an Irish name. And while the Irish might be lazy, good for nothing terrorists, at least they’re our sort of lazy, good for nothing terrorists. And the British leaders were inept and incompetent for ordering those brave, trusting young Diggers to attack Gallipoli. The current Government, likewise trusting in the gullibility of the electorate, is in no way inept or incompetent. They’re quite competently exploiting the long term disaster created by Howard and Bush. Which John Winston Howard is awfully embarrassed by. Awfully.

That it was a horrific disaster seems unquestionable. Yeah. I just included that sentence because it’s a horrific disaster.

People can argue about the extent to which the Gallipoli legend has been stretched  You think?  -_-

but that is not my point Assuming she has one. Other than to try to drive a wedge into the Muslim community and provoke people to start looking under their beds or eavesdropping on phone conversations.

What is relevant is the startling display of courage, determination and fellowship by the Anzacs so early in the life of our nation. I think paying homage to that is far more important than having a poke at the Poms.  What is relevant isn’t the end of the Ottoman empire being exploited by the Brits and the US even now. It’s not that this was a grab for power and resources, using the stupid convicts as cannon fodder. No. What’s more important than “a poke at the Poms?” Hmm. Could it be that our Amandatory has some skeletons in the closet and would very much like for George “bigot” Brandis new laws and the ICAC not to cast their shadow over her cupboard where she stores that blow up doll? Does she know the status of the PM’s dual citizenship and is therefore in mortal danger? Who knows.

The Muslim and Christian religions have much in common. Same God, in fact. Not hers. No wonder she feels obliged to do some boot licking.

We’re then treated to a tour de force in Muslim involvement in WW2. The good kind of Muslim, naturally. For example, the British issued a stamp in honour of Noor Inayat Khan, who was in the British Special Operations Executive.

There you go, Mercedes. Pack your sons off to war and they’ll have a stamp named after them. You can probably get a special commemorative edition. And display it at the military funeral. Which Tony Abbott will probably not attend because shit happens operational matters.

All of this is worth reflecting on now because of the heightened tension surrounding the so-called Islamic State and its recruitment of young Australians to fight its so-called holy war. Which occurred in a complete vacuum and without provocation. True dinks.

Just as the Middle Eastern oil reserves and the vestiges of the Ottoman Empire were somehow inexplicably absent from the interests of WW1. The International Labour movement is a no show for WW2, Vietnam we’ll just forget about because Damn, now the last ten years, two previous wars against Iraq, The undermining of the democratically elected government of Iran in 1953 and the fact that the Prime Minister’s Chief of Staff and her husband, the Director of the Federal Liberal Party, have been caught with their hands in the till… Nope. No mention. It’s all a Holy War. And it happened overnight. Because fanatical Muslims, not our sort, not the good sort, just up and want to lop a few heads off people because beer is banned over there and gosh, isn’t that dreadful? They’re just so fanatical.

When Muslims do it, it’s jihad. When Christians do it, it’s called Jesus Camp. But that’s alright. Because they’re the good sort of fanatics. They vote for Tones and Scott and Andrew. That’s okay. That’s called Theocracy and it’s really, really very different from Shari’a. Really.

When the Saudis do it, well, it’s still Shari’a, but it’s okay. Because they’re our sort of Muslims. Because they buy so much military junk off the US. And fund ISIS. Maybe not the ISIS thing. But they’re still our sort of Muslims. They even own half of Foxtel.

Perhaps we need to be reminded of Ataturk’s common sense and goodwill. His kind, generous and consoling words were written less than two decades after some 56,000 of his countrymen lost their lives at the hands of the Allies.

Yeah, I can’t see that going down too well, Amandatory. You’re gonna have to put a spin on that, or it looks like someone trying to actually govern a country in the wake of a war without getting into another one to cover his corrupt arse.

These fanatics in Syria and elsewhere create a problem for all of us. For some more than others. For some they’re the result of a war that came from a war that came from a hundred years of pissing in someone else’s backyard. For others, it means you’re frightened every time you leave the house. Different sort of scope of problems, there. It gives some the motivation to deal with it and resolve the problems. It gives others the motivation to keep the whole thing simmering and trot it out in pay by the word articles that Fairfax needs to run in order to meet Howard’s definition of fair play.

How’s that blow up doll coming along? Holding up? Because the amount of wankage going on here suggests she might be due for an overhaul any time soon.

Because they are Muslim, everyone is on higher alert when near people who by their dress convey that they are Muslim

Anakin and Paris, having not studied any modern history, are feeling a bit tense when someone wearing a scarf gets on their bus. Because the boy Muslims are more stealthy. They don’t wear scarves on their heads. You can’t tell if it’s one of those Sri Lankan queue jumpers or a full on Jihadi, when someone with brown skin sits next to you on the tram. And everyone knows they must be up to something. Because Muslim. Nobody white would be involved in terrorism. We’re even quoting blokes named Keating in appeals for calm, now.

and yet the overwhelming majority of Muslims are good and decent people. Unlike former Howard Government Ministers.

That in itself creates a feeling of distance or unease between good and decent Australians. Not because we’re racist shitbags looking for a reason. Not because chunderheads like Vanstone have written nasty screeds like this. Not because anyone drove a wedge in there. Good and decent Australians are a very easily disturbed lot. Except the good and decent Muslims. Our sort of Muslims. Poor bastards.

The point is, the good and decent people, whether of any religious faith or none, are not the ones who have created this unease. It is the fanatics who have done that.

And that, friends, is the Freudian truth of the whole thing. It is the fanatics who have done that. The don’t call him the Mad Monk for nothing. That, right there, is the money shot for this whole cluster fuck.

Religious fanatics in government can fund extremist groups, providing public money and government support for groups known to be enabling child rapists. Religious fanatics in government can exploit dog whistling to get themselves elected and ignore climate change and the need for scientific research. The religious fanatics that are the Abbott Government front bench can keep children incarcerated in concentration camps in an effort to fuel racist anti-Asylum seeker policies and exploit the resentment fostered by Rupert Murdoch and News Corp. And the religious fanatic that owns 72% of our nation’s newspapers and a huge chunk of other media, who also owns the world’s largest religious publishing house, can pay little or no tax and exploit racist, homophobic sentiment for his own profit. They must be our sort of fanatics.

I don’t know who “we” and “our” are at this point. I certainly don’t think Rupert Murdoch and Tony Abbott should get a free pass because they’re white Catholics. Or because they’re rich. Or men. They’re fucking lying, self-serving warmongers who don’t care if thousands of people get killed so long as they maintain their grasp on power. But because they’re Catholics and not Muslims, somehow that’s not fanatical.

bad people can use minority status to claim that they are being picked on because of their faith You mean Danny Nalliah of Pants on Fire Ministries? It’s an interesting twist on victim blaming, though. She doesn’t outright say that everyone who complains of bullying is actually a terrorist trying to pass. They’re just not our sort of victims.

In responding to the threat created by home-grown jihadis, law enforcement activity will necessarily focus on people of Muslim faith simply because jihadists come from that faith.

As distinct from the Catholic and Anglican and other Christian church leaders who have systematically raped children and covered up for child rapists over decades. As distinct from Cardinal George Pell, who thought it was more important to limit financial liability than to hold any honest accounting of child abuse. And the Pope who rewarded Pell by appointing him Finance manager, and refused to hand over information relevant to that investigation. We’re not going to focus on those people The ones who come from that faith. Because rather than deal with a situation in which hundreds or thousands of children were abused and the institutions that enabled those crimes are still very much in power every day of the week in most suburbs, we’re going to focus on brown people. Because the Mad Monk isn’t Muslim, so it’s safe for him to play sleight of hand like that. And all the Tylers and Mercedes’s will likewise feel much safer, being white and all. Not because they’re racist or anything. It’s just, you know. Those people come from that faith. Oh, and the war conveniently distracts us from church paedophiles and the fact that this extremist, fanatical government cut funding for the Royal Commission and diverted it to the school chaplains program, which now has no oversight, following a High Court ruling that it is unconstitutional.

The attendant media coverage will cause many Australian Muslims discomfort. Smug fucking bitch.

New laws may in one way or another cause many of us inconvenience or annoyance. The new laws are completely unecessary and undermine the principle of civil law entirely. But don’t let that inconvenience you, Amanda. Now that you’ve kissed arse, your precious Ayn is likely safe in the third drawer.

We might all feel somewhat apprehensive.

Yeah, no. People are outraged, speechless, apoplectic and gobsmacked. A Government of religious fanatics has rammed through laws divesting the populace of any semblance of “innocence until proven guilty” including permitting torture, and blamed it on Muslims, who you’re now attempting to con into dobbing each other in for not being “our sort” of Muslim enough.

Moderate Muslim families with unsettled teenagers will be terrified. Moderate Muslims whose dress reveals their religion will be apprehensive. Every parent of a police officer will be on tenterhooks.

Muslim women will be fucking terrified, I have no doubt. Your bullshit dog whistling has set them up as easy targets. Because you can tell a woman wearing a scarf. A bloke in jeans, not so much. And the stupid, racist red necks who fall for your bullshit will make easy prey of women wearing scarves.

I rather hope there’ll be a protest. That men and women all over the country, regardless of faith or not, will start wearing scarves to show their solidarity with people being used as scape goats and their disdain for pathetic, self serving populist sleazebags who seek to drag the nation into a war on the flimsiest of pretexts.

Anyone with half a brain is more concerned about climate change and salinity. But by all means, if you need to keep ASIO off the scent of skeletons in your closet, feel free to bash the Muslims.

This is a time to show disdain for the shock-jocks and jingo-junkies who whip up rednecks with their rubbish. In doing so, we will remind ourselves of the best of Australia. Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Non-Muslim Australians would do well to ensure that any criticism is focused not on Muslims generally but on fanatical Muslims. Equally, Muslim Australians need to be loud, strong and clear in their condemnation of the fanatics.

A hundred years of colonialist exploitation isn’t quite enough for our Amanda. She has to ram the point home. Giving Australian Muslims, our sort of Muslim, clear instructions on how to toe the line and make sure they enable the fascist Christian overlords in their quest for domination.

The important thing to remember is that Muslims are not our enemy – Australians have fought with them in several wars. Fanatics are our enemy. Australian Muslims and all other Australians should stand together – they with us and we with them – against these crazy people.

I’m guessing she didn’t mean Kevin Andrews, George “bigot” Brandis, Scott Morrison and Tony Abbott there… But those are the crazy people, the fanatics, that Australia needs to guard against. Those are the people who would rather drag an entire nation into another senseless war, rather than deal with the fallout of ICAC. Or have to rewrite the budget. Or have to deal with actually governing the fucking country. You say fanatics? You say extremist? When someone is so scared of having to face an enquiry that they would willingly send other people’s children overseas to get killed, maimed and traumatised, that’s fucking extreme. Just because they have white skin and are a Catholic doesn’t give them a free pass. And what is the status of his dual citizenship, anyway?

We have serious issues to deal with. It’s the 21st century and this is the driest continent on the planet. The cost of coal is going through the floor. Unemployment is rising. We need some intelligent, long term management to deal with issues of economic and energy strategy and planning. Instead we’re busy scapegoating Muslims to try to distract the lowest common denominator from the fact that the PM’s Chief of Staff and her husband, the Director of the Libs, got caught with their hands in the till.

The headline is accurate. Know your fanatics.

I am actually published, but it’s the show standards for Fancy Rats in Australia. Which makes much better reading than Ayn Rand.


About Syburi

Witch, bitch, creatrix; hippie, dreamer, gardener. Lover of books, music, rescue animals, piss and vinegar.
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